I started this writeup on the 23rd of Dec 2020 but failed to finish it because I didn't feel justified writing on a subject I was guilty of.
Speaking from a personal perspective, a have discovered that people have the ability to carry a lot of weight on the inside. By weight, I mean mental stress, emotional baggage and all the other things that accumulate to form mental pressure.
We are anchored to things that trigger our emotions leading to an implosion sometimes. It could be a grudge against someone or the inability to forgive ourselves.
Keeping grudge and unforgiveness is something that has the ability to drag it's carrier down more than we can imagine. Unforgiveness comes along with extra baggage which we may not plan for in the beginning; hate, resentment, jealousy, revenge and bitterness . I like to call them the backpack of unforgiveness.
In my case, I struggled to forgive myself of certain things I had done and it was limiting my ability to see beyond certain levels because my focus was stuck to the rear. It's like I was trying to drive my life forward while staring at the rearview mirror.
It was until I was confident to share this burden with someone I trusted enough to understand me that I began to get clarity and began to learn to forgive myself.
Like me certain people carry similar burdens that drains them of energy and deprive them of the ability to be their very best.
We must learn to lay aside every weight that pulls us back. One things I have learnt about unforgiveness is that it does more harm to the person carrying it than even the offender.
At the end of 2020, someone opened up to about a grudge he was holding towards me for over 8 months. In fairness to me, I didn't even remember committing the offence I was accused of even though I apologised from the depth of my heart. This was someone who would have benefited from me in a lot of ways but didn't because he was avoiding me as much as he could. He missed a couple of opportunities during the year because of a grudge that could have been avoided.
The ability to forgive brings about purity of heart and openness of mind. It helps to create an aora of positivity around us. Smiling becomes a default action. Research shows that there are 43 muscles in the face, most of which are controlled by the cranial nerve. Seventeen of those muscles are used when you smile, and 43 of them are working when you frown. Smiling seems like a better choice to me.
Forgiving others has never been a problem for me, but forgiving myself was the herculean task. Here are a few things I learnt on the journey.
Move On to the Next: Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Whatever hurts is in the past, leave it there and move to the present.
Don’t Go to Sleep Angry: Each night as I drift off to sleep, I adamantly refuse to use this precious time to review anything that I do not want to be reinforced in the hours of being immersed in my subconscious mind. Leave the pain, disappointment, hate, anger, whatever it is in yesterday. As you go to bed, affirm to yourself that you are waking up with a clean slate.
Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself: Whenever you’re upset over the conduct of others, take the focus off those you’re holding responsible for your inner distress. Shift your mental energy to allowing yourself to be with whatever you’re feeling — let the experience be as it may, without blaming others for your feelings. Take control of your emotions and act accordingly. By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life.
Take Responsibility for Your Part: Removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone else for what you’re experiencing. It means that you take responsibility for your part in the incident. Doing this also aids self mastery and learning.
Be Kind Instead of Right: If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves (Chinese Proverb). In a world where people always want to prove a point by been right, we forget that kindness is pivotal. Choose to be kind and polite rather than right.
Be willing to talk about how you feel: as simple as it sounds, communicating our emotions. Talking about it helps the healing process and helps relief the burden.
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This is a guide for daily living.. call it life tonic you won't be wrong.
Many thanks and Congrats
Real talk bro....dope contents